Is it Possible to Heal a Broken Marriage Relationship?
“Nature abhors (hates) a vacuum”
Is there a time that one can say that their marriage is past saving? I do not think so. I believe there is always hope. However, the price is what may be so high for most people. In many cases, it is usually the things that people say that hurt the most (except for physical abuse). It is easier for a wife to forgive a husband for being drunk many times even after promising repeatedly “that was the last time”, than to forgive a husband for saying that “they don’t love the wife - that their marriage was a mistake” or “she’s useless”.
Such words are always remembered even if the husband said this just to hit back at the wife for something she did or didn’t do. It seems that women are more sensitive to words than men. They tend to remember a lot of what was said - even if it was said a long time ago. Men are affected more by how they are perceived e.g. if they are perceived as failures, they may get depressed and distance themselves. Sometimes they may look for someone who appreciates them “more” or resort to alcohol. They may not remember the actual words spoken but they remember the implication - women remember both the words and what was implied.
The only causes that rank higher in causing marriage havoc are physical abuse followed by infidelity. I would say the ranking is physical abuse, infidelity, psychological abuse and then all other causes like forgetting birthdays, not spending enough time with the spouse, or not being seen to be as caring as the neighbor’s spouse.
If there’s genuine repentance from a spouse, then it is possible for healing to take place. It may not be spontaneous or immediate but as the saying goes ‘time heals all wounds’. However it is important to change the environment that feeds that problem i.e. to deal with the root cause and not just the symptoms. If a husband is abusive after drinking, they should stop drinking. They could seek assistance from an Alcohol Anonymous society in their area for example.
In some cases a wife may meet an old flame from high school that just moved into the neighborhood. They may start meeting and gradually re-kindle feelings for each other. Such a wife should seek help from a counselor and if she is unable to stop meeting the fellow, she may have to convince her husband that they relocate to another place for some time as she sorts herself out or they may go on a holiday and have time together to strengthen their relationship. There’s an old saying “Nature abhors (hates) a vacuum“. This means if you don’t relate well with your spouse, it is very easy for you to start a relationship with someone else so “take heed” - be careful.
Therefore any marriage can be salvaged. It’s the price the partners are willing to pay that determines whether it is salvageable. My advice is that before you get your marriage to the ‘point of no return’, you should invest in learning how to maintain it so that you will not need to pay that heavy price of saving your marriage.
If you are already at that “point of no return”, think again and compare your options. You only have one life to live, how long have you been married? Do you have kids that will be affected? What legacy are you leaving your kids? Probably your parents also separated or divorced. Did you know that it is probably easier for a marriage to break up if one or both spouses’ parents divorced? The affected spouse may justify that it happened before or say “it runs in the family”. Save your marriage in as far as it depends on you.
For more information on healing your relationship or knowing how to stay on the right track you can get an e-book from a friend of mine with information that will surely help you or a close friend. Click here to read more about it and get your copy.
Shalom